Christmas is here we made it through the year yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! The girls took their very first fantastic photo with Santa this year...BEAUTIFUL.....but I'm bias I guess. We are ready and the girls are very excited to spend a holiday at home since last Christmas.....they both never want to leave the house since we returned from Vancouver, I'm mostly good with that except when we have no food in the house and the girls are fighting not to leave the house.....is that weird.....lol.

Everything is getting back to normal for the most part just living our day to day lives with nothing to report, hence the no blogging. We didn't think any one would be interested in hearing that we've been hanging out together, watching movie, playing games and simply just enjoy being back home. Brenn and Sam started their Christmas holidays from school, Scott is working tomorrow but then is not having to be back to work until Wednesday next week. I've been preparing our house and meal for Christmas...life in a nut shell.

Brenn had her second treatment of maintenance but the first here in Prince George last week, it seemed to go alright all in all. The hospital staff on the pedi's floor was great, Brenn wasn't scared and they made it a good experience for her. She was ill from the chemo the next day so she stayed home from school (Scott and I will need to set our alarm so that she can have an anti-nauseant med in the middle of the night), she started Dexamethasone again and it as last time hit her hard. The worst part of treatment for Brenn seems to be being on the steroid....she is unable to control her emotions, becomes ultra sensitive, she is sleeping half the amount of time she normally does (which does not help her emotional stability), she is angry all the time.....the worst of the worst is she does not know why she acts/does what she does and this confuses her. This is part of her protocol to fight off the cancer, as a parent it is hard to watch and expect her to function in a normal environment...but this is what is saving her life and so this is what we must do. None the less we are so blessed to be home with two healthy children for the holidays.

Merry Christmas to all of you, thank you for your thoughts and prayers this holiday season.

Love the Smiths

So here it goes writing the blog again, it seems like it has been so long I don't know where to start. So we've returned to PG and for the first week things were really great. For the most part they still are, but the transition back to life is huge.

Interesting bits of news..... Joe (very good family friends of ours) shaved his head on Saturday in support of Brenn, this was very emotional for us. I will post a picture when I get one from Joe...stay tuned. The Canadian Blood services called this morning and if we were still in Vancouver Brenn would have been the Christmas blood drive campaign poster child, but as we are now residing in Prince George our family has been asked to speak at two formal events educating and encouraging others on the importance of donating and thanking long term donors for their blood support......how very exciting and scary at the same time as I do not like public speaking.....good thing my husband is proficient and not so uncomfortable with it. Last bit of exciting new is we met with make a wish again and the plans for Brenn's wish are coming along we will be going on the Disney Cruise in the spring and it's going to be absolutely fantastic...yeahhhhh!!!!

Brenn is doing very well, she is back to school full time and loving it. Samantha is in preschool three days a week and sort of enjoying it, it's more difficult for Samantha to leave me it seems. Sam never wants to be away from Scott or I and she never wants to leave the house, after 5 mins in the car she spends the rest of our trip out asking to go home.....crazy girl, we thought that she would miss the hustle and bustle of activity in Vancouver.....guess not. Our whole family got sick with in a few days of returning to PG, I have had a cold and throat infection, Brenn a cold (or side effect from a new chemo....not sure which one yet), Samantha got tonsillitis and now Scott seems to have a pretty serious cold with possible infection (trying to get him to the Dr.....lol)

The reality of having a child with a serious illness is setting in hard and fast now that were home and life doesn't seem so critical.....we were told by other parents and our social worker that once we got home the real processing would begin and the auto pilot would shut off. I believe this has begun......Scott and I live on the edge of keeping it together everyday. Managing our everyday lives with the constant worry about Brenn, her health, her mental and emotional wellbeing, Samantha and if we are giving her enough attention, setting boundaries for both girls as regular rules apply again, and taking care of each other in mean time....this life is hard, RMH isn't looking so bad right now.....lol. I know that we have only been home for two weeks and that every family returning home feels the same way I just wish that I could get through the day without feeling my eyes well up and over multiple times.

There is a reason that this has happened to our family and we trust that we are learning whatever it is that we need to learn from it, we know that we will come out the other side of this a stronger, happier, and healthier family, its just getting there that's the problem....lol.

Sorry it's been so long since our last post, this one will be short as well as we are all feeling under the weather. Brenn is adjusting well to life back in PG, she is in school full time and loving it. We will write more when we are all well. I hope this finds you all well. Take care

We are all exhausted, life at home lets us just be and so all the stress, worry, anxiety, sadness, anger, joy, laughter, happiness and love from the last 6 and a half months is not so overwhelming and now are bodies are saying" just relax don't do anything". All of the Smith's were in collective agreement that we were all very tired, but to no avail we did not nap, I wish we did but we didn't. Instead we hung out as a family just doing our thing all over the house. It was great :)

Brenn was really not into going to school this morning as she didn't want to participate in french, after a few minutes of smooth talking from her mama she got ready to go. I stood at the back of the class until prayer and devotions were over (5min), blew a kiss to Brenn and out the door I went, crying all the way to the van. I felt like I was pushing her to hard to get back into the swing of things, I felt like I was leaving her to sink or swim....it was awful. Scott, Sam and I picked Brenn up at lunch, we peeked in the room several times and Brenn was smiling and participating in class. At the bell Brenn was excited and happy, she went on to say that she wanted to go to school the next day for a whole day....yeah Brenn. Brenn's favorite subject is math and she seems to be at par with the rest of the class. Brenn feels really encouraged by her teacher who told her today that she is not far behind and that she will catch up in no time. Brenn was so touched by this that it was one of the first things she told us. My fears of pushing Brenn to far have melted away and I am so happy that she is as confident as she is, because of this she will excel at everything she does :)

A new first for us tomorrow.....Samantha will be starting preschool, we are very excited for this. Sam is so energetic, and social it will be a perfect transition for her as she was always surrounded by people and activities at the Ronald McDonald House. Samantha needs something of her own to do and to talk about, this is perfect for her.

Life is good!!!!

We're home!!!!!! How fantastic has it been to be in our own house you ask? IT HAS BEEN GREAT! We are all sleeping through the night soundly, restfully, and comfortably. The girls are lounging around when life gets to be too much with their blankets on the couches watching TV, they are running up and down the stairs and all around when ever they choose and they are not hanging off mine and Scott's limbs at every given moment, they are enjoying living carefree for no reason at all :) We arrived home on Saturday morning, it was freezing in Prince George, we left Vancouver in wet snow to arrive in PG with well just freezing cold weather with snow.....brrrrr Sam loves it as she doesn't remember the winter from last year and the rest of the Smith clan well were just cold.....okay okay enough of the complaining.

We are all just taking it easy, getting the house organised, getting rid of some stuff before unpacking what we have accumulated over the last 6 months. We are getting our bearings again learning to live in an environment that isn't as sheltered as ours has been, preparing for life to get back to normal. We had dinner with some close family friends the night we returned, and lunch with new friends the next day, this is exactly what the doctor ordered for all of us, to feel the love, support, real hugs (not just phone hugs) , and conversation to hold us up when we were scared and overwhelmed with the reality of returning to our life. Brenn then returned to School this morning, it was very emotional and overwhelming for her but she pushed through and did it, she attended one and a half hours of class room time with two different teachers and a new language. Brenn was very confused when she returned from gym and found a teacher in her new class room speaking French, she did not like this one bit and begged Scott and I to take her home, after a small break away from the class and encouragement from her parents Brenn went back in and finished the period. We felt at this time that Brenn had had enough for one day and took her home. Brenn will attend school for the rest of the week for the morning, and then the following week she will attend all day. We were encouraged to do this as it has been found that children who have been away with an illness fair better jumping right back into to school than those who are slowly reintroduced. Brenn's classmates, their parents, and teachers that we know were all very excited to see Brenn back at school, it was a very smiley morning.

By 7pm Brenn was exhausted from the day and fell into bed, I expect that we will have more of these days in the near future, but we are very confident that Brenn will do great going back to school and will not have any problems keeping up with her class. She has shown us over the last 6 month how strong she is and that she can endure and take on what ever is thrown at her. Brenn is truly amazing!

So it's been a week since we've written anything, things have been going well for the Smith clan. We were informed that Brenn's "make a wish" was granted on Friday, this is very exciting for our family. Brenn's wish is to go on a Disney Cruise to the Caribbean, and to stop at the Disney private island. We are planning the trip for the spring:) Brenn really deserves something wonderful, she has been such a strong little girl throughout the last 6 months with barley a complaint and taking all that was given to her in stride. It is awesome that the make a wish foundation is able to grant such an amazing gift to our family.

We've really have just been hanging out waiting around for Brenn's counts to come up so that we can move on to the final and longest but by far the easiest phase of her treatment. Maintenance. Maintenance is given when the patient in this case my beautiful daughter is in remission, this meaning that there are no visible cancer cells left in her blood or bone marrow. The maintenance is given to keep her in remission and kill any cancer cells that may develop in the future (future meaning the next 20 months). Brenn will receive low dose chemo by mouth daily, IV therapy and steroids monthly, and intrathecal (IT~spinal) therapy for her CNS quarterly, all but the IT can be done in Prince George.

Today we got word after a quick blood test that YES indeed Brenn's counts have come up and passed the recommended count level to begin the last phase and receive her first dose of maintenance tomorrow.....what does this mean? We get to go home.....home sweet home.....all covered in snow :)

We have really had a pretty good past few days. It was Brenns birthday on Saturday, and boy did she ever get spoiled. She missed her friends from home, and she wasn't feeling 100%, but the day went quite well, and she really enjoyed the low energy games, and gifts that she got. My Mom, Uncle, and Aunt, and a girls sorority that volunteers here came by for the party, and that was really special for Brenn. It made her feel a bit better about being here than being at home for her birthday. All in all we had a really quite weekend, for the most part Brenn was a little tired, and when we pushed the activity a little, it ended up in tears because her red blood cells were so low. On Friday of last week, we went into clinic for a quite blood test so that we would know were she was at for the weekend, to see if we were going to be able to get together with the family that we have here in the lower mainland for a birthday party on Sunday. Her counts came back so low that it was actually scary after all this time. This necessitated staying at RMH all weekend. Mom and I and Samantha got out a couple times, but beyond that we simply stayed here and played. It is tough mentally right now to be couped up with the end being so near.

Again today, we went to clinic for more blood tests to find out if we were going to be able to start maintenance tomorrow. We had braced ourselves that we would have to wait for another week, and as it turns out we will have to wait. Brenns counts have started to climb, and we are very grateful for that, and with her counts the way they are right now, I would feel really worried about putting Brenn on a plane for home. Once maintenance starts, we will still have to be very careful about Brenns health. If she gets a fever in the next 20 months of treatment, we would have to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics, and most likely stay at the hospital for a few days or a week. We are really looking forward to coming home, and look forward to seeing everyone, and right now, that still seems far away, but we will be home soon. Likely late next week we will be arriving back in Prince George, as long as her counts continue to climb as they are, we will be safe to come home then. Thank you all for all your prayers over the past 6 months, and we look forward to talking to you all in person soon.

Scott

Nothing much has been happening in our world over the last couple of days, we have stuck close to the RMH with the exception of going to the hospital for blood and going to Scott's Grandmas for a very nice visit. Brenn's counts are stable, going up a bit for her platelets, going down a bit for her hemoglobin and well her ANC it just keeps dropping. We are really hoping that it starts to come up for the weekend as it is Brenn's birthday and we would like to be able to get together at Scott's uncle Lyle's for a family party for her, unfortunately this will not happen if it does not. We are just playing the waiting game for the go ahead for the next and final phase and then it's smooth sailing home :) We will be able to receive most of the rest of Brenn's treatment in Prince George only to return to BCCH every three months for a LP, some chemo and a checkup. This is very good news to us and we are excited to get back home.

Well that last blog was kind of a downer.....lol That is a little picture of what our life can be like from week to week. On a more positive note, Brenn's counts have not fallen over the weekend, her platelets rose a small amount and her red blood cells have maintained. This is great news for us as she did not need a transfusion today and hopefully her own healthy cells will start to generate soon. We are still being extremely careful as we have to be but life has air to it now. We have had a very festive weekend doing Halloween activities that the girls have enjoyed immensely and now we are all enjoying the fruits of our labor from last night....Candy, Candy and more Candy :)

The last week has been the most unnerving and scariest week that we have had since the first month that we were here. Brenn is doing very great mentally and emotionally but physically the chemo is doing exactly what it is suppose to.....bringing her counts down fast! Wholly Hannah scary stuff! Brenns nose started running on Tues. so we brought her in o get it checked out, our nurse decided to blood then as Brenn was do for it the next day anyways. Her platelets were a whopping 24, she normally sits at 300!!!!! Now for those of you who are not familiar with what the platelets do they are the bodies bandaids, without them you just continue to bleed if cut, bruise by the smallest touch, when they are really low a nose bleed will begin and it will not stop. Brenn had no symptoms of having low platelets so this came as a surprise to Scott, myself and the doctors, we all decided to hang tight on the transfusion and keep an eye on her. By Thursday Brenn developed petecheia (broken capillaries) along the sides of her neck . I immediately call clinic to discuss a plan of action as this is a sign of her platelets being at a critical low. Brenn was still fine as she was not bleeding as of yet. We brought Brenn in Friday morning, her platelets were 10. Writing this I am feeling the anxiety I have felt the last few days, the constant worry of the what if's. Hitting her head could cause massive bleeding, cutting herself more blood, bumps resulted it bright red, purple, black and blue marks as they aged. Living in fear of ones 5 year old playing normal 5 year old games is not a fun place to be. Scott moved Brenn's bed as she could hit her head in her sleep, start bleeding and we wouldn't know. The last week as be spent saying "Brenn don't run, Brenn be careful, please be careful with Brenn her platelets are low" over and over again. So we got platelets yesterday and on Monday we go back to clinic and her counts will be checked again as Brenn's hemoglobin was 1 point away from when they normally transfuse. Our little person is black, blue and red poke a dotted, and a nice shade of really white! We are glad the week is over, and we are thankful that the chemo is doing what it is suppose to do, KILL the rest of the cancer living in Brenn's body, but in doing this it also kills the healthy cells and so we are living through this coming out the other side and looking forward to returning home to live a reasonably normal new life.

Well, Saturday was a really big milestone for us. Brenn will no longer be getting any chemotherapy from the hospital until we begin maintenance. We still have a few days left of chemotherapy pills that she has to take every day, but once we are done those on Wednesday, we are done the intensive phases of Brenns treatment. What great news!!!!

We now have to wait until her blood counts come up to a normal level before we start her 20 month maintenance phase. This phase will involve some low key chemotherapy pills taken every day, a monthly shot of vincristine, a quarterly lumbar puncture (that is to be administered in Vancouver), a one week out of the month an oral steroid, and her three days a week antibiotic. All of the drugs that she takes during the maintenance phase are designed to keep her blood levels just below normal, and try to successfully kill any stray cancer cells that may still be circulating in her bone marrow. While she is taking these drugs however, life should be fairly normal. We have to eat dinner earlier than we are used to, but physically, Brenn should be normal after a few months.

We have had a busy, but great weekend. Friday, as most of you know was Christines Birthday. We were able to get out in the evening together, and we met up with all of my cousins from Vancouver, and had a really great time relaxing and having some much needed fun time. Saturday, we went to the hospital in the early afternoon before heading out to my Uncle Lyles house to play with the dogs, and help sell their pumpkins. The money that they raised is all going to Leukemia research, so it was quite a special day for us. Today was another relaxing day that we went out to my Uncle Allans house for another birthday dinner before coming home tired, and ready for bed.

Scott

We have had a really great last couple of days. Brenns energy levels are still incredible even though her hemoglobin is really low. She is scheduled to get a transfusion of red blood cells tomorrow morning so that she will make it through the weekend without having to worry about much. Other than her general low red blood cell counts, things are still going pretty well through this part. We were really worried that this part of her treatment would be really hard, and while it hasn't been easy, things have gone quite well for her. So now we are all very hopeful that the remainder of her treatment goes as well as it has been going.

After treatment yesterday, we took the ferry across to Victoria so that we could see my Mom and Grandma. Grandma had a doctors appointment in Victoria, and since it was so close to Christines birthday, we all decided to take the opportunity to get together before we go back home to Prince George. It was an incredibly beautiful day here and in Victoria, and we were able to play on the beach, and soak up a little bit more sun before the rain really sets in here. My Mom and Grandma took us out for a really nice early dinner before we hit the ferry back to Vancouver. It was a really fantastic day, and we are all really glad that we were able to go kind of at the drop of a hat.

Today Brenn and I went to clinic while Christine and Samantha went to the pumpkin patch with some of the volunteers from RMH. Brenn and I had a good time coloring and waiting for her blood counts to arrive back from the lab, and from what I hear, the pumpkin patch was a lot of fun as well. I am really enjoying every day that I have with the kids right now. I know that when I get home, I will be working every day again, and the girls will be in school and pre-school, and Christine and I will not have the same amount of time with the kids as we have over the past 6 months. It is really odd to think that 6 months ago, I was working in Williams Lake, and I wouldn't see the girls for 10 straight days. I would really miss Christine, Brenn, and Samantha, but it was okay. Now I can't even imagine going to work for 8 hours, 5 days a week, and only seeing them for a few hours everyday. Getting back to normal life sure is going to feel abnormal!

Scott

Good news today! We are finally back in Ronald McDonald house. Thank God that our stay at the hotel is finally over, and the kids have some room to run. Both of the kids have a ton of energy right now, and they were really starting to not only get on each others nerves, but they were driving us nuts as well. All in good fun I guess though. Arriving back at the house today was really great timing for the kids. Tomorrow all of the Halloween festivities get under way, and they are both really excited about it all. It was a beautiful day today, and we were lucky to get all of our stuff done early this morning, and enjoy the afternoon and evening. We again were the beneficiaries of more free tickets, and were able to go the Stanley Park with the girls and another family from RMH to ride the ghost train. It was really fun for the kids, and really not scary at all, so the kids had a great time. It was themed after Alice in Wonderland, and they really did a good job. I am sure that the girls didn't understand what was going on, but if you have seen the movie, I think that they did a great job with the story line and characters.

At the clinic this morning, Brenn was seen by nurses, doctors and physiotherapists in order to make sure that all was well. She had a blood test, and much to all of our surprise, her hemoglobin was really low. She is not displaying any real side effects that normally come with low hemoglobin, so we did not transfuse her today. Most likely, tomorrow she will get some red blood cells to boost her back up, as we are still actively treating her, and her counts will not be coming up on their own right now. Other than her hemoglobin though her blood counts were fairly good for right now. The physiotherapist spent quite a bit of time with her today, as her ankles are getting weaker from all of the chemo that she has received over the past 6 months. This is a fairly normal side effect, but she has started compensating for her lack of strength and flexibility by pronating. It is just another thing that we will have to keep our eye on for the next couple of years as she develops further. She will still be getting the particular drug that causes this problem every month for the next two years, so we have quite a few stretches that we have to do, and maybe in the future, we will have some strengthening exercises to do. Strengthening right now will actually cause further damage as her feet are not moving correctly, and her muscles are not ready to take strength.

It was a good day today, coming back to RMH was a real blessing. It is really nice to see all the people here, and share once again in the comradery of the house. Even though sometimes living with all these people can really get us down, it is an incredibly positive environment where everyone is pretty well in the same boat, we all know what is going on with our kids, and we are just looking for support from one another. I am not sure, now that we are nearing the end of this wild journey, how we would have made it through all of this without our new friends here at Ronald McDonald house. Thank God for all the people who keep this place up and running, without it, things would be a lot different for a lot of families!

Scott

It's been a pretty good weekend all around. Brenn was given a new wig through an organization here that provides wigs to children with all kinds of cancer. I was hoping to post a picture of her with her new hair today, but we are still sequestered in the hotel, and we left the cord to transfer the pictures at RMH. We are really wanting to get back into RMH as soon as possible, but, I think that we still have one more night here at the hotel, so maybe back for Tuesday. All of us have a lot of pent-up energy living in the hotel, and we are all looking forward to having a little more room to roam when we get back into the house.

We feel as if we really have been enduring for a long time down here in Vancouver, and we are all really feeling ready to come home. We are looking at possibly the 12th of November as long as everything goes well. We still have many chances to be delayed, and this is the earliest possible day that we will be able to travel. Christine and the girls are planning on flying home, as it will be to much for Brenn to drive the whole way. She starts to complain after only an hour in the car right now. Her skin is very sensitive, and she says that her bum hurts. It is very exciting for us to be looking forward to coming home so soon, but at the same time, it will be very scary to leave the protection of all the medical staff here at BC Childrens. It has been a long road, and we are worried about what our new life is going to be, there has been a lot of changes in relation to our time here. There have been a lot of things that have become lower priority, and some things that have become far more important. We are really looking forward to seeing everyone who has supported us for so long as well, we have really felt blessed while living down here. It is amazing the support that has rallied around Brenn, and she has really shown her truly beautiful spirit. Not to get ahead of ourselves, we still have quite a bit of work to do over the next few weeks, but there suddenly seems to be light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Scott

We are still staying in the Hotel, and we are all pretty stir crazy. It has been a really interesting couple of weeks, and we have all been focussed on dealing with Brenn being sick. Christine went to Prince George a week and a half ago in order to drop off our car. Our car has developed a couple of issues that we are not sure if we want to fix or not, and right now is not the time to be really worrying about our car. We have another month and a half or so left here, and then we have to transport all of the stuff back home that we have here. We were both quite stressed about the car, so we had started looking for a replacement vehicle. Eventually, I talked to Ian (my boss), and he worked out a deal with Northland Dodge that we would be able to have use of a 2009 Dodge Grand Caravan until we were able to get home, and decide what we are going to do about the car. Now that I have had a day to sit and reflect on this, I am again overwhelmed by Ians generosity, and the generosity of others that have never met us. So, our much loved Subaru is now sitting in the garage at home, getting some much needed time off, and we have the time that we need to make a decision about what we are going to do about transportation when we get home. A really lucky side-note with the van is that it is huge, and will be able to swallow a whole bunch more stuff in it when we finally do get to come back to Prince George.

Brenn is still somewhat sick, and as a result we are still staying in the hotel. The kids really have a bunch of pent up energy (well mostly Samantha), and are really having a hard time expelling that energy playing here. Brenn doesn't always want to go out, and there are fewer and fewer places daily that we can go. Brenn will be getting lower and lower blood counts quite quickly right now, so we are wanting to keep her out of public places. We feel right now (just getting over a cold) that we want to be very vigilant and keep her healthy over the next little while so that we will not get delayed again. We are all getting ready to come home, and are all looking forward to spending time in our own house. It has been a pretty crazy time down here, and now we are all looking forward to coming home, and trying to get back to normal, however, we are all unsure what our new normal will be.

Scott

Good news today, Brenn got the go ahead to receive chemo today. Yesterday chemo was touch and go as Brenn's doctor was uncertain if he was going to give the go ahead on chemo as Brenn still has her cold and they thought that her ANC only rose to 1.5 because her body was in a fight or flight response. I don't think that they really know still but her body is strong and so is her attitude so away they went and gave Brenn her treatment today. It sounds so ridiculous to be happy that your daughter got the go ahead to get chemo, but for us that means that we are one step closer to going home, we all really feel we are in the home stretch.

The next few weeks will be very hard as the drugs given today and the chemo she will get everyday for the next two weeks, and an additional chemo that goes 4 days on 3 days off will all bring down her counts dramatically. We were told today to expect delays, hospitalizations, and transfusions as this is normally what happens. Maybe my daughter won't be so normal, maybe her body will be able to fight back as it has been for the last 5 months and she will sail through....here's to hoping. We are prepared for all that is suppose to come and seem to be at peace with it, it means thats she is at the end of the delayed intensification phase and is healthy enough to return to her "normal" life...ha ha ha what is normal now. Anyways Brenn is so looking forward to returning to PG and to going to school and seeing her friends.

We are still at the hotel for an undetermined amount of time and RMH has extend their generosity and support here too, they have been packing us (our family and another family here) food from family dinners and checking in multiple times a day to be sure that we are doing okay and knowing that we are missed and loved. Again we are so blessed to be surrounded by such support and love through this time.....it seems as though most of the our relationships with others old and new have developed a new depth and realness, life is now in perspective.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!! We have alot to be thankful for this year......We are thankful for the type of cancer that Brenn has as it has a very high success rate, and that Brenn is responding so well to the treatment, we are thankful to be able to be going through this as a family as we are much stronger together than we would be apart, our families and friends have been an amazing support and for this we are more thankful than we could every express, we are thankful for RMH and the individuals and families we have met there as they have helped us in so many ways we can't even count, we are thankful to our community as a whole for rallying around us so that it has been possible for Scott to stay with us and in saying that Scott's boss Ian who has been so unbelievable, he is a pleasure to know. We are sooooo thankful that we were loaned for the duration of Brenns treatment a new van to travel around in from Northland Dodge in PG so that we didn't have to worry about looking for a new car right now. The list could go on and on but I'm sure you all get the point....lol.

Little update, we are still at the hotel as Brenn is still sick. Her fever is gone and has been since Friday but she still has cold like symptoms and a very forceful cough, she seems to be feeling well though as she states that she is fine and is quite active throughout the day. We will be seeing the doctors again on Tues to determine what is next for her treatment plan and whether our family can go back to RMH. The rest of the family appears to be fine and as of yet has no cold symptoms so for this I am also thankful for:)

We took that water taxi from downtown to Granville Island this morning we enjoyed hanging around outside listening to music put on by a very talented Peruvian, we perused through the market and then ate lunch outside and looked at the water in the marina to find some interesting sea life before we had to taxi back because Brenn sat in seagull poop. It was a beautiful morning and we all enjoyed ourselves, it was nice to get out as we have been cramped up for the last little while.

Tomorrow evening will be a treat for Scott and I, all the residents in RMH have been invited to watch the hockey game in Louongo's box. Yeah!!!!!! Scott's cousin will be watching the girls for us, they love Nicole so it will be a treat for them as well. We are very excited to be able to finally go to a game together and have such an awesome opportunity.

Much love,

Christine

Today was a rough day. Brenn, Sam and I woke up around 6:30 this morning, and both girls were tired as a result for the rest of the day. Both girls were quite cranky, and were really uninterested in doing anything all day. Brenn has been having a low grade fever for the past week or so, and we have been watching her quite closely to make sure that her fever didn't start getting to high. Her temperature has been running between 37.5 and 37.8 over the past week, and we are to call the hospital at 38. This morning, I checked her temperature, and again, her temperature was 37.5, so we went for a walk down to the Safeway to get some food for the day, and enjoyed the leaves and the chestnuts that had fallen out of the trees. The girls threw the chestnuts across the street, and collected some for Christine. Once we got back to RMH, the girls went about their normal routine, enjoying some craft time with some volunteers, and then watching a movie while I did our chores and some laundry. Once I was done, I came down to make some lunch. Brenn ate really well, and was asking for more, but I asked her to hold on for a few minutes while I finished the soup that I had made before I made her another sandwich. Brenn went into the TV room to continue watching the movie that they were playing. Right after I finished my soup, I went into the TV room to make sure that Brenn wanted her second sandwich, I put my hand on her head, and noticed it was really hot. Brenn had been displaying completely normal behavior, there was nothing apparently wrong, but when I checked her temperature, she was 39.2. I was really shocked! It was only 3 hours since I had checked her temperature the last time, and it had gone up 1.5 degrees. By the time I got her to the hospital, it had gone up another .2 degrees in only 15 minutes. It was really scary, but after checking her out really well, the doctors decided not to admit her, instead our social worker found us a hotel that we can stay in until her fever breaks. It is not really the best way to start the long weekend, and I have decided now not to go to Victoria this weekend for the half marathon that I had planned to run. Things change really quickly, and I am not surprised or disappointed about this weekend, and hopefully things will get better right away. We have to go back to the hospital tomorrow in order to get another bag of IV antibiotics, and hopefully the hospital will give is the okay to go back to RMH. As much as we want to be out of RMH from time to time, having to leave this way is difficult on the girls most of all. Please keep Brenn in your prayers tonight that her body will be able to fight off this bug, and we will be able to enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend with what has become our family at RMH.

Scott

Getting to this a little late tonight, so I will be a little bit brief. We have had quite a slow few days since last Thursday in the hospital, in preparation for today. We left the hospital on Thursday with Brenns ANC (her immunity) at .41, anything lower than .5 in considered neutropenic and at a high risk of infection. We needed her ANC to be at .75 before we get her next dose of Chemo, and we knew, leaving the hospital that it was most likely still on the way down. At this stage of her treatment, we also knew that it would be really miraculous that it would come back up to .75 by today, but we were all really hopeful that it would. Brenn, Samantha, and I all walked to the hospital today, and had a really great time walking. It was a beautiful morning here, and we enjoyed the crispness of the fall morning. Brenn was having some difficulty walking today, her legs are really getting stiff, and her feet are starting to slap more when she walks, but she still wants to go as often as she can. We went up to the lab to get her blood work done, and then back to the clinic in order to see a couple of nurses, and the physiotherapist. We were in the clinic for about 45 minutes, and then received most of her blood counts. The ANC results did not come in with the first sheet, so the nurse and I discussed what we predicted, and agreed that we should stick around until the ANC came back in. The girls and I went to the cafeteria, bought some soup and sandwiches, and went directly back outside, firstly to avoid people, and secondly because it was a great day for a picnic. We had a nice leisurely lunch before heading back to the clinic. We waited another 20 minutes or so before the nurse informed us that we would in fact be delayed, and that we would have to come back in next Tuesday to do more blood work. Long story short, in one quick stroke we have extended our stay here in beautiful Vancouver by one more week. We of course have been anticipating (dreading) this eventuality, but we had hoped that we would be closer to the end than this. In reality, we really hadn't expected that we would be delayed this early. Most kids are not delayed for another week or two, but with the medicines that she will be getting over the next month, we still expect to be delayed from them. This break in no way changes how the next month is going to affect her. We are all still scared, and just wanting to be home for some home comfort, but I think that we are doing well. I have been having a hard time lately, but I have been feeling steadily better every day for the last little while. Christine told me the other day that negativity breeds negativity. I have been quite negative towards another person in RMH, as he and I do not see eye-to-eye, and with all of the stress involved in out day to day lives currently, we just cannot seem to get along. After Christine told me about my negativity, it gave me pause, and I stepped back from it. I am proud to say that last night, I actually talked some small talk with this person, and just breaking the ice between us, I think we both feel better. It took someone else to help me realize that I could change the situation if I wanted to, and it worked! I am quite sure that in the end of all this, I am not going to be this persons buddy, we have very different views on life, but getting through the rest of the time here without worrying about how this person is going to anger me next will help me in many ways I think.

Lynn and Leora Wilde went home today. They were our very close friends in the house. I am really sad that they are not here anymore, but I am truly happy that they were able to go back to Prince George. They have been here since December 30, 2009! They really deserve to go home. I am also really glad that they live in Prince George, and we will be able to carry on a close friendship once we get back home as well. It is really remarkable how close you can get to another family really quickly living here, and sharing a lot of the same feelings of pure terror, and pure unadulterated joy. We will miss having the Wilde family here every day, but having them not here is almost better than having them here simply because that means that things are good!

Scott

So inpatient it is, Brenn's body began to swell dramatically last night, this is the same reaction that she had in the Induction phase of her treatment in June. This reaction could be from the Dexamethasone or it could be from the PEG-asparigenes (the leg pokes) apparently we were told today that only 1% of children get this reaction and they are not really sure as to whether they are going to treat Brenn's symptomatically or if they are going to have her ride it out and if she becomes unbearably uncomfortable treat her symptoms. Both decisions have us in hospital for an unknown amount of time....but hopefully they will let us go home sooner than later. She does seem a little less swollen this morning but her Albumin is quite low so it is expected that her cells will continue to release their fluid at a more rapid rate if her levels do not increase on their own shortly. Brenn's ANC is also very low coming in at a 0.48 she is now neutrapenic and can not go into any buildings in the community, we are still able to have short stints outside but must wear a mask when others are around. Brenns energy level is extremely low and has spent the last two days laying down resting, she has been choosing to do so in our room at RMH as she is not wanting the company of others. This is all what the doctors have prepared us for and now we have 6wks to get through before we reach the light at the end of the tunnel.....going home to continue treatment and recovery !!!!! It feels so close we all can not wait. Please continue to pray that Brenn copes well, and that her body continues to do what it has been doing for the last 5 months, remaining strong physically, mentally and emotionally, fighting the cancer, building healthy cells, and processing/expelling the chemo and byproducts.

Christine

Well, it has certainly been a while since my last post. I have been feeling really stressed out, and not able to deal with a lot of things over the past little while, but today, I feel okay, and really wanting to write (also hoping that it will help me move forward emotionally). Christine is at the hockey game in a luxury suite tonight that was donated to the house. She went with her cousin and was very excited on the way out the door. Brenn has had really low energy for the last 4-5 days now that all of the medicine that she has been taking for the last 20ish days is really starting to take effect. This of course was expected, however it is still really unnerving watching her go through this. It is really hard to take being her Dad, supposedly her protector in life, allowing this to happen to her. It is not a good feeling to willing let someone put medicine into her body that is going to make her feel as bad as she does right now. She says that she feels okay, but she is tired all the time, has a huge struggle keeping her emotions in check, and has tired and sore legs as a result of her treatment. She is really tired of taking medicine, and really wants to come home now. It is now daily that she mentions that she wants to come home. She knows that all of her friends are going to school, and learning all kinds of fun things, and playing on her favorite tire swing. I think that she just wants to get back to being a regular kid for a while. I know that we are all really looking forward to spending a nice quiet Christmas at HOME this year.

Other than Brenn being tired, things have been quite good around here for the past few days. There is really not much going on. I am still riding my bike, and running as I have the Victoria half marathon coming up pretty quickly. It took me a little over a week to fully recover from the last race I did in Manning Park. It was the most exhilarating and exhausting race that I have ever run, but I really would like to complete it again next year. Brenn went to school this morning with Christine at the hospital, and then we all pretty well puttered around the house for the rest of the day. The house was a pretty exiting place today as most of the families had at least one person going to the hockey game tonight. I think that there was only one family who had ever experienced a suite at a hockey game before, so everyone was really exited to go. The game started at 7 and people started leaving to go to Rogers Arena at 5. Brenn, Sam, and I ordered Chinese and had a nice quiet dinner with just the three of us. It was quite nice. I always enjoy our one on one time. It is such a treat to watch your children grow up and learn so much so quickly. God has truly blessed us with great children.

Tomorrow is another clinic day, so, we will be at the hospital around 10 am for another 4-5 hours sitting in the hospital getting more chemo. There is a higher chance tomorrow that Brenn will be receiving a transfusion. Her lethargy indicates that her red blood cells are lower than they have been for quite some time, and her ANC (part of her white blood cells) will be really low as well. Her ANC may be slightly higher than last week as they will be artificially elevated by the steroid that she has been taking this past week. She received her last dose of the steroid today though, and it is now expected that we will start seeing some really low numbers in her blood counts. From now on in, we will be expecting that we will be needing transfusions, getting delays and having possible hospital stays. Please continue praying that Brenn makes it through the next 6 weeks or so without to many delays and problems. Every day that we are delayed is a day longer that we have to stay here, and it really seems now that we have been here for years. Regular life is just a dream that we once had.

Scott

Yesterday was spent pretty much indoors the weather was quite chilly and it rained on and off all day, we have just been taking it easy so that it gives Brenn time to rest from her treatments in peace and quiet. She has less energy than normal and her moods are up and down, we're all just going with the flow. Our plan for this morning is to go to the pumpkin patch, we have been going here as often as we can every fall since Brenn was in my tummy. The girls will love it, it's outside so Scott and I are happy and Brenn will not have to wear a mask. The weather is suppose to be about 25 so this afternoon if Brenn is feeling up for it we will go to the beach so the girls can splash around for a while. Thats our weekend in a nut shell tomorrow we head back to RMH.

So yeah the pumpkin patch was closed because apparently last year they lost their crop to an early frost, so it was much to our surprise when we saw that there was a tracker pulling contest going on there.....we quickly decided that we would definitely find some sort of pumpkin place and headed to Davidson's Farm. The girls enjoyed themselves in the new play park as well as picking out a pumpkin to take back to RMH. We came back to the house and Brenn was done, she wrapped herself in a blanket sat on my lap, then moved to the couch until dinner. She happily went to bed at 7. She says she feels fine other than low energy. Scott and I are definitely getting a lesson in not freaking out as that is what our first instinct has been for the last few days as Brenn's appearance and energy level has decreased dramatically. We have been prepared for this by our doctors and so here we are half way through the home stretch.

Sorry we haven't written in a few days not much has been happening. Brenn is feeling generally well and is having very few problems during this round. Her ankles and legs are a bit tired so physio came and saw her today and encouraged to do more stretching, her counts are pretty good except her ANC (immunity) dropped from 6.99 to a staggering 0.98, what this means is that we were encouraged today to go away for the weekend to a safe, non populated place if we choose as Brenns counts and ANC will only go down from here and this will undoubtedly be our last trip away until we go home in November/December. Our friend has graciously given his house to us on the lake for the weekend. We will be alone for two whole days, cooking, cleaning,playing, and enjoying each others company without running into other people living in the same place . The thing that Brenn is looking forward to the most is having her own room, she says she "doesn't have to put up with anyone waking her up for a couple of days" or "Samantha bugging her". I think it's safe to say that the Dex(steroid) has kicked in and running strong threw her veins. Brenn's attitude and coping seems to be the biggest difference throughout the last month, I am hoping that this is just the meds and that we as family can support her in anyway that she needs. I pray to God frequently that she will be spared of any negative emotional and psychological effects of this journey that we are on, I am confident that physically she will be great but the other stuff I worry about. Scott and I are doing the best that we can to provide her with everything she needs to get through this and now we leave it to God to see that it is enough.

We have been very blessed throughout the last 4 plus months to have been able to be together as a family and to have taken a few small trips away that we otherwise would have been to busy to do if we were at home. The togetherness has brought us closer as a family and made us really get to know eachother in a different way. This journey has showed us how we ultimately have no control over what the outcome is but only the choices we make. It`s taught us more patience (this is not my strong suit...lol) and understanding because it's not only about ourselves and the biggest lesson is that Brenn's illness could always have been worse in one way or another or that getting caught up in her diagnoses is detrimental to her recovery as well as our own coping. We've learned to lean on eachother, our family`s, old and new friends and our community as we are not an island and we can not do this on our own. I was told by a mom who had befriended me when Brenn was first diagnose that " Brenn will be fine, You will be fine, your family will be fine" at the time I thought she was nuts and how could things ever be fine again......now everyday a little at a time I get what she was saying :) I`m tired of trying to look for the reason that this has happen to our daughter and our family, it has and it is what it is, getting through it the best that we can is what we are doing now. Thank you all for your thoughts and Prayers for Brenn and our family, we see and feel the affects of it daily.

Much Love Christine

Wow what a beautiful place Manning Park is, I can not believe that I have never heard of it before. It brought me back to being a child camping with my family, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I am so grateful that my children were able to feel and do something "old normal" like enjoying what it's like not to have TV, internet or a cell phone for 1 weekend. Don't get me wrong we stayed in the lodge and had access to our doctors and such if need be, but it was just nice to be in the wilderness away from our now normal life for 48 hours....ahhhh Okay so what did we do.....

Scott and his Uncle ran an insane 27k trail race up and down a mountain in mostly rain.

I must say that the Smith girls have never been so proud as we were watching Scott running down the last bit of the mountain waving at us like a crazy man. I was thinking in my head "oh no stop waving, watch where your feet go" Brenn ran with Scott the last 300 meters through the bush and on to the finish line while Sam and I took a short cut running over a small stream with logs layed across so that we could hurry to the finish trying to get a picture, I had to stop, zoom my camera in and caught them just after the finish line as they were so "super fast" as Brenn says.

To back track a bit......while the boys ran the race the girls and I went for breakfast in the lodge, hung out in the room for a bit and enjoy the lake and nature while cheering on other racers waiting for Scott and Uncle Allen to come in. The girls loved running free, trying to coax birds to land on to the sticks they had found, and digging new homes for the weeds they had pulled out of the running path.

The rest of the day and evening was spent in a campsite down the road from the race (as this was the only place we could find with a pit). I lit the fire that would ultimately cook our dinner and showed my girls that it's not only a boys job to light camp fires. We enjoyed the evening roasting kobassa on the fire (my mom would be proud), grilling steak, veggies and baking potatoes. We shared our feast with a very brave chipmunk who had an extreme liking to potatoes and enjoyed our time as a family. I of course forgot my camera so I have no pictures to show you what a spectacular evening it was. The girls loved being in forest, watching the wild life...oh yeah I forgot a momma and baby deer walked right through the campsite next to us the girls were soooooooo excited.

Brenn and Sam settled into bed quite easily exhausted from the day. This morning after breakfast Scott took Brenn swimming. It was the first time since Brenn has been sick that she went into a public pool, from what I heard she had a great time just her and dad jumping off the various wall heights and enjoying splashing around. It was a great weekend and a perfect chance for us to make some memories. The girls are now asking if we can buy a camping trailer so that we can go camping next year in the forest......I can't wait :)

Today was a rough day.....Brenn was nauseous throughout the night and most of the morning, she couldn't keep anything down, we don't think anything actually made it to her stomach before it came up. We gave her a heavy duty anti nauseant med that goes under her tongue, this just seemed to take the edge off enough for her to get to the hospital to get hooked up to IV to receive fluids, gravol, her regular daily meds and yes the chemo. The doctors are unsure as to why she is feeling sick to her stomach as she had chemo a week ago, the leg pokes may be the cause but the reaction is quite delayed or it could be from the steroid but she's had it problem free for 6 days...this is still a mystery. So we have a plan to manage it over the next few days....alot of anti nauseant's mixed with a acid reflux med, hopefully this 24 hour regime will take care of it until the nausea subsides.

On a good note Brenns counts are amazing and the extensive blood work done to check her liver and other organ function all came back good.....yeah Brenn she never seizes to amaze me. Her body is being pumped full of poison designed to kill the cancer cells as well as her healthy cells and her body just doesn't seem to get that, it just keeps making the healthy ones and fighting off whatever it can to keep her healthy and going.....she is an inspiration :)

Today was a good day, Brenn is not showing any adverse reactions to the leg needles so I'm thinking that we're in the clear (fingers crossed). We had a relaxed morning taking care of some chores that needed to be done and then headed off to Scott's Grandmas in Whiterock to help install a new Microwave. After this was done we went to lunch across the street from Grandma's house and had a nice visit. The girls enjoyed themselves visiting and spending time with her for a few hours. They showed off their artistic abilities by coloring pictures, and playing with stickers and then the girls and I had a mind boggling game of fish and memory.

The rest of the day was spent taking it easy in RMH as Brenn's energy fades in the late afternoon. The girls were off to bed a bit early tonight as Brenn has treatment tomorrow morning and is in need of more sleep now a days and well Sam she just goes all day long and seems to relish the time her head hits the pillow. Goodnight all and thank you for your Prayers and thoughts for our family.

Much Love,

Christine

It was a really hard day on all of us today, but we made it through without any major problems. Getting the needles this morning was heart-wrenching, but Brenn had no adverse reaction to the drugs. We are safe and sound, happy to be at RMH, and exhausted!

Scott

Saturday was the football game that we went to, and I am happy to report that Brenn, Samantha, and I are all witnesses to BC Lions first win in Empire Stadium in over 20 years! However, we only stayed until 5 minutes into the 2nd quarter. The score was Toronto 8 - BC 7 when we left. We really had a good time together going to the football game even if we didn't stay for all of it. Brenn is tired right now, so I assumed that we would not be staying long. I am really happy that we got to witness a small piece of history as well, since this will probably be the very last win that BC will ever have at Empire Stadium as they will be back in BC Place next year.

Christines Aunty Elaine, and Aunty Cindy arrived on Friday night, and Christine saw quite a bit of them over the course of Friday night and Saturday, however unfortunately for Christine and her Aunts, Aunty Elaine woke up this morning feeling as if she may be getting sick, so we were all unable to see them again today. They will be heading back to Calgary tomorrow. Their visit was really nice, and I really enjoyed the time that we got to spend with them. Our day on Saturday was inadvertently planned so that Christine was really the only one to spend the day with them, and we had planned to have a family day today, but I guess things don't always work out the way you plan them. Christine was able to have some fun and family time with them, which I hope will help her. She has really been missing her family for a long time, and over the last month was really ready to start seeing them. The girls were happy to see them as well, it was just fun to have them here. They are really great to be around, and always make us feel better.

Today was a bit of a tough day. We didn't really get up to much. After we found out that Christines Aunt wasn't feeling well, we pretty well changed our plans to do nothing of any really substance. We did some house keeping, and went to the grocery store, but that was all. It would have been great to see Aunty Elaine and Aunty Cindy again today, but we got some relaxation time that was needed today. We are still very stressed with this round for Brenn, and are all having some trouble dealing with the emotions that go along with our fears. Tomorrow is another stressful day as Brenn will be receiving 3 intra-muscular needles at the same time in her legs called Peg-Asperiginaze. She has had this medicine before, however, most kids are allergic to the long term release aspect of this drug, and the allergy reaction will show up the second time. We are quite worried about her reaction tomorrow. Reactions will range from localized hives and swelling to a full scale anaphilactic reaction. After she receives the shots, we will have to wait for 3 hours in the clinic to make sure that she is okay. If she has a reaction, this will be the first time that she has a good possibility of another overnight stay. Hopefully all goes well, and we will all feel better tomorrow. Once we are over this hurdle, hopefully our stress levels will start to come down as there is no real immediate problems, other than the fact that she will be slowly becoming more and more tired, and being on her steroid she is quite irritable. Please pray that all goes well with her injections tomorrow, and that our stress levels will start to subside in the coming days. Thank you all for your comments on the blog, we do read them, and they really make a huge difference for us to know that there are so many people out there that care, and are praying for us.

Scott

We have had a couple of really quite days in a row here now. Brenn is feeling okay, but not great, she is already tiring more easily, and is experiencing mood swings already from her steroid. However the benefit of her being more tired is I get a lot more cuddle time with her, and since Brenn is cuddling me, Samantha also gets in on it, so I get double cuddles all the time now. Christines Aunts are coming in for the weekend for a visit, and we have all been looking forward to having them here. Christine has really wanted some more of her family to come out and see her. it is quite hard for her with me having a lot of my family here to support us, she has really been missing her family simply because her family support network is in Alberta, and we cannot go and visit them at this time.

The RMH gave us some tickets to tomorrows BC Lions game. Brenn and I are going for sure, and another one of the girls here at the house will be joining us. Samantha may come with us, but we are not sure, a football game is a lot to sit through for a super energetic 3 year old. This will be Brenns first professional sporting event that she has ever attended so she is quite excited! I just hope that it doesn't rain, and that Brenn is feeling up to sitting through the game. She is a good sport of course, but once she gets to tired, it's over, she simply cannot control herself emotionally. Quite often lately, we have all been stressed out, and having hard times dealing with some things, but once in a while we remember how great Brenn is doing, and how strong she is. She has simply breezed through her treatment without very many complaints at all, and it is really hard to believe that at 5 years old she has that inner strength to take so much, and still be a happy kid at the end of the day. It has really taught us how to take a step back from things, and see what is actually happening in a situation, take in all of our surroundings, and enjoy what is offered. Things are hard right now, and I struggle every day to try to compensate for my frustrations, so I have been running and biking everyday, but this experience really has been emotionally draining, we are all tired, and just want to come home.

Scott

Well today was the big day that we have all been waiting for! The start of the much dreaded Delayed Intensification. We started out the morning getting the girls up, and ready for the day, then it was no food or drink for Brenn, but luckily, we had booked our appointment for 9 am. Brenn and I were the only ones who went to the hospital today, as Christine had to stay with Samantha. It was a little weird for both Brenn and I not to have Christine there wit h us, but we made the most of our time together by walking to the hospital this morning. We had a fantastic walk, Brenn held my hand the entire way from when we left the house until we arrived in the clinic. I think that the contact was good for both of us, as I am sure that Brenn has felt the increased tension in both Christine and I as we were preparing ourselves for this round.

Things went pretty well like normal in the clinic today. We started the morning with weight, blood pressure, height, and temperature before heading in to get her VAD accessed. As soon as we were done accessing, we were taken into the procedure room for her lumbar puncture, and spinal chemo. We were given ondanzatron before her procedure, and and a half bag of saline. After the procedure, we went back to the room, where Brenn had to lay down for an hour and drink some coffee. We both had breakfast, and enjoyed watching a Dora movie together. The doctors came in and talked to me about what to expect and when during this phase of our treatment which is pretty scary, but we are optimistic as Brenn has done so well over the course of her treatment so far. Finally as we were getting ready to leave, the nurse came in and administered a new drug to Brenn called Doxorubicin. This drug is designed to really drop her blood counts in preparation for the 2nd month of this phase. We are expecting that Brenns blood counts will be very low, right on the edge of transfusion by the end of this month so that the next months drugs can actually carry her blood counts lower. We are expected to have some delays, blood transfusions, and hospital stays during the second month of this round, as well as many full days spent in the clinic. I really feel like all that we have been through up to this point was just preparing us for these last two months of Brenns intensive treatment.

Brenn and I were able to go and watch Bobs and Lolo (made famous by Treehouse) in one of the parking lots at Childrens Hospital right after clinic today. Brenn sat in my lap and danced to all of the songs that they sang, and then went and played in a bouncy castle for a little while before we headed home. It was a really good decompression time for us both. We had lunch when we got home, and almost right away, Brenn started to get really tired, and not really feeling well in her tummy. With the drug that we give her called Ondanzatron, she doesn't really ever want to throw up, but sometimes it really feels like she is going to. She was really feeling bad until just before dinner time when she started to perk back up again. I do believe that she is going to be much more tired this round than any other, but she is really strong, and we will all pull through this together. Please continue to pray for Brenn, and our family through this time, we have really appreciated all of the prayers and thoughts sent our way over the last 4 months, and now I feel like we need them more than ever. Brenn was feeling okay when she went to bed tonight, but she was most definitely ready to sleep!

Scott

Here it is, the last day before it all begins again and 4 months exactly to the day this journey started. It's weird to feel this way and really feel so out of control, most of the chemo that will be administered in the next two months are new for Brenn and some of them can have horrific side effects, these are the things that are making Scott and I scared. We really hold it together for the girls in our day to day lives but the thoughts come fast and strong once we put them to bed. I am here right now sitting with almost overwhelming worry and anxiety. Brenn had a series of tests today to check her heart and give the doctors a baseline to go from as one of the meds starting tomorrow can have a long term effect of damaging her heart muscle. Throughout this journey I have felt confident that Brenn will fly through this treatment with flying colors and come out the other side a strong, vibrant, confident little girl who will grow into a beautiful young women, I still believe this but I am afraid that this round will be the one that takes everything out of her and will challenge her spirit. She desperately wants to go home, and she has had enough of everything. She is topped out in her coping abilities and I think to myself really how much more can her mind, body and spirit take. The logical part of me keeps telling myself that kids are resilient and that they can get through things that most adults would shutter over. I have met many other children here that have gone through similar or the same round and have come out of it just fine, she is my child and I worry about these things. I read a quote by mother Theresa that comforts me and makes me laugh "God never gives you more than you can handle, but why does he have to trust me so much" I am definitely feeling this way tonight. Anyways this is where we're at going into the home stretch before our return to Prince George which is another worry in itself, but that is for another day. We are taking this one day at a time so that we as parents can be the best that we can be to provide security and stability for our children is this very confusing time. Please keep Brenn in your thoughts and prayers so that she can come out of this without any long term effects physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Today was my first day back at RMH, after returning from Prince George. I had a few really busy days up in Prince George again, but it was nice to be home, and just get my bearings again. My Mom and I left PG at 5:45 am Saturday morning in hopes that we would miss quite a bit of the traffic and to get Mom on a ferry at a reasonable time. The trip went really well, and we were able to make it to Whistler for lunch. We were very close to the ferry at this point, and quite likely could have made the last hour or so to the ferry, but I think we were both tired and the idea of lunch in Whistler appealed to both of us. We stopped for a little over an hour, and then continued on to Lions Bay (just north of Horseshoe Bay) by 2:30. It was pretty good to spend some time with my Mom and brother over the past couple of days, and just have some family time.

It was great to get back to RMH and see Christine, Brenn, and Samantha. I really needed the break when I left, but it was really hard to be at home without them. I had some weird emotions when I was at home. Some areas in my house are just like life stopped wherever it was when we left. There are still notices up on the fridge from Brenns kindergarten class, and just seeing how empty the house was was pretty hard to take. It really brought it all home just how very different life is now. I know that people look at our life and think wow what our family is going through must be really difficult. Since we are living in the situation, and living at RMH, it doesn't really seem all the strange or hard for us. What is hard is when we have to be away from one another for any length of time. Our emotions are really crazy right now, and sometimes we fight, or bicker with one another, the kids cry and through crazy temper-tantrums, but we all really depend on one another for strength every day as well. We all trust that we can freak out, and have a really bad day, but once we get through the moment or the day, things are still good as long as we are together. We really have learned a lot from this, and we have realized that most things aren't as big a deal as we used to think they were. We have been truly blessed here. Even though Brenn is sick (and I know this is really hard to understand), we feel blessed by this time. You never know how beautiful people are until you go through a tough time in your life. We have had so much help from so many people that I really can't believe it! People can be so very generous that it amazes us.

Brenn has been doing quite well the last little while. We are still going through our two week break getting ready for the last 2 months of intensive treatment. We are all really looking forward to coming home, and really looking forward to have some time just to ourselves in our own house. We are all pretty scared about the next 2 months as well though, and we are just praying that we can get through them easily. All that we are interested in is Brenn getting better, but it sure can be has to see that sometimes when she is feeling bad, or not able to control herself because of her medications. It will be really good to get this over with, and with God's grace, Brenn will make it through the last 2 months with flying colors.

Scott

So the last couple days have been a bit busy and hectic for the Smith girls.....yesterday I decided that we could all use a bit of pampering. I had receive a gift certificate for the Sheraton Wall Center spa a few months ago, and decided that it was time to use it. I called ahead of time to see if they would accommodate the three of us for manicures, the spa was more than helpful putting us in our own large room with two beds and two clinicians. Brenn had a 30min mini manicure, Sam a polish change with hand massage and I was able to get a full manicure in the time it took for the girls to get done....it was nice and relaxing and awesome to see that the girls really enjoyed it :) The girls really love Pho soup so we headed to North Van for some soup next, we had a nice long lunch and then headed back to RMH.

The girls really enjoy playing with the other children here but sometimes forget that they still have rules too follow, the girls and I really struggled the last part of the day, it really made me appreciate Scott and be thankful that the majority of Brenn's treatment we are a team and co-parent the girls on a daily basis. I really don't know how I would manage if I was here on my own with the girls. I have much admiration for the parents who are here on their own, this week has definitely been a huge eye opener for me and I am looking forward to Scott's return tomorrow.

Today Scott's uncle Allan came to take the girls on an outing so that I was able to attend an appointment at the hospital for Brenn and take some time for myself. I am amazed at the generosity of Scott's uncle with his time and energy when it comes to our family, he is truly a blessing sent from God. Uncle Allan and Auntie Nancy are always concerned about Scott and I getting time for our self so that we can keep healthy, so that we can effectively take care of Brenn and Sam. It's nice that they are here to take care of us as often we forgot to in the day to day things. The girls had a great time watching the planes come in at the airport on the observation deck, and having lunch. For the rest of the day Brenn was off playing with Hannah while Sam and I had some much need mommy daughter time cuddling and watching the Wiggles. We had a nice dinner with another family, the girls played with the volunteers and then went off to bed. I am taking sometime to relax before jumping into bed myself.....good night all :)

Kay quick blog, we had a great day hanging out in Deep cove ~ looking for sea stars, crabs, fish and what ever else they could find. The rest of the day was spent in the house playing with the other children and then the girls fell in to bed and were out like a light. I meant to have a bath tonight as last nights didn't work out all that well, but to no avail I am not going to make it there again. At 9pm Sundae Glen entered the house and pronounced that he and I were going to make home made ice cream for tomorrow nights Sundae night. Great just what I wanted to do as I just made ice cream 5 days ago. SO off we go following miss Martha Stewart's recipe (which was different than the one we use 5 days ago). Well let me tell you we made vanilla scrambled eggs with some yummy vanilla custard, so what did we do......mashed through a fine sieve and then used a hand mixer to make sure it was smooth, strained it again and viola we got rich creamy custard......tomorrow at 5pm we will put it in the maker, freeze it up and hopefully no one will be the wiser.....ha ha ha I'm sure it will be fantastic. Well that's our day in a nut shell. I'm off to join the girls.....good night all!!!!!! Oh Sam is doing great can't even tell she has a concussion she was up and at all day today....what a tough little girl....and as always Brenn is awesome as well, looking out for her sister's well being all day and telling everyone within hearing distance how her sister has a concussion and is not allowed to bonk her head again or else.......ha ha ha what a cutie :)

Well our day started out waiting for our friends to arrive from Vernon, Scott and Elaine left at 6am to head to PG and the girls and I just hung out relaxing. At about 10 as I was coming down the stairs I heard the high pitch scream that no parent wants to hear from their child. As I sprited to the play room I saw Samantha sprawled out on the cement tile floor holding her head head screaming. Upon first look it appeared that Sam had simply slipped and had a small bonk as there was no evidence of a serious head injury. After about 45 min it was evident that Samantha was not herself, so off to the ER we went. It turns out that Samantha does have a significant concussion. The nurses and doctor monitored her for approx. 4.5 hours determining that is was okay for us to return to RMH on the agreement that I bring her back for a CAT scan if she continues to vomit, act differently, breath funny, and all the other things that come along with being concussed. Sam was happy to escape the confinement of her little room and head back to the house.

During the time Sam and I we at the Hospital Brenn hung out with her friend Bethanee while Theresa got to know the house a bit. From the pictures I was shown Brenn and Beth had a great time playing and enjoying each others company, it's been a long 4 months for them as they are use to seeing each other a few times a week. I am really happy that Brenn was able to have the comfort of her best buddy around for the day. At about 5 Brenn started to fade and said goodbye for the evening to her friend, we will see them again tomorrow for a day of fun.

We had a fantastic BBQ dinner put on by a Volunteer who was able to secure a significant donation of backyard landscaping and terrific furniture for the house this summer. Kelly's goal for the BBQ was to thank those who donated their time, energy and funds to provided Ronald McDonald House with a fantastic summer atmosphere while providing a safe environment for the children. She is truly a gift to the house as her love for the house and individuals in it has no boundaries. Okay my heart is full now, time for a relaxing bath and into bed........

PS. Scott and Elaine made it safely to Prince George, I am hoping that Scott has an opportunity to relax and gets some much needed rest over the next few days.

Wow this is the 100th post on the blog. What have we written, the last 4 months have been jumbled around in my brain to equal one big blur. Some parts are burned into my brain and other days, weeks I can honestly say I have no clue as to what happened......it's a good thing that Scott has been so diligent with the blog, all I have to do is scroll back and there I have it, exactly what happened and when. This blog has been fantastic for us, we've been able to share our journey with all our loved ones, friends, co-workers, class mates, and the community of Prince George, we have truly been blessed with incredible support from you all we feel it everyday. Thank you!!!!! OK so what's been happening the last two days................

We had a family dinner for Sam's birthday at Uncle Allan's and Auntie Nancy's on Sunday afternoon it was very low key and relaxing. Sam quite enjoyed her dinner and cake.

Today Brenn and I headed off to the hospital for blood work and to have a check up between phases, she did an amazing job staying brave for her arm poke, as she would rather get accessed through her VAD instead of drawing blood through her arm. Anyways she did great. We hung out in clinic to wait around for the word that we could head back to RMH. The Doctor and Nurse are amazed as to how great Brenn looks and are really pleased with her energy levels and counts. So we went back to the house gathered up the rest of the family and headed to Stanley park for a family bike ride. Brenn rode tandem with Scott, I had Samantha in a bike trailer and Scott's mom Elaine rode a granny bike, we had a fantastic time riding the sea wall taking in the salty sea air. The smell of the ocean is an amazing comfort to the girls and I, we always seem to just relax and enjoy whatever is happening around us. Too bad none of us took a picture it was a great afternoon :) We came back to RMH had an early dinner, the girls played with there friends and had an enjoyable evening. We will all be heading to bed early tonight as Scott and Elaine will be going to PG tomorrow morning for a short trip. The girls and I are excited to have a girls week, lounging around in our jammies, hanging out with friends that are coming to visit and possibly a small spa day to get our nails done.........happy times :)

It's been a few days, and we have been very busy. Grandma has been here for Samanthas birthday since Tuesday, and we have all been having a great time together. After the birthday party on Tuesday we all had a great sleep. Wednesday was a really nice day here, and we all decided to go out to Bunsen Lake so that the girls could swim and I could go for a run around the lake in preparation of running the Frosty Mountain Trail Run is September. The run around Bunsen is pretty difficult, up and down, and pretty exposed. The heat on Wednesday was quite oppressive to run in, and I eventually ran out of water for the first time ever during a run, but I was only about 1.5 Km from the end, so it wasn't so bad. Christine, Mom, Uncle Allan, Brenn, and Samantha all played at the beach while I had my run. They all got wet, and had fun playing in the water. When I got back from my run, they wanted to continue playing with me, for a little while before we had to leave. We had planned on making it home for dinner, but once we hit a traffic jam, we knew that we would have to go out for dinner so that the girls could get some food into their stomachs before they fell asleep. We ended up going for a great dinner at Milestones and made it home well after bed time. In hindsight, we should have taken Uncle Allans suggestion of going to his house for pizza, but we thought that we would be able to make it back in time. Once Samantha fell asleep in the car, we knew we had to stop.

Thursday, we played around at the house for the morning, and then headed down to Langley with Mom so that she could tour the prize home for the Childrens Hospital Lottery, and buy some tickets. It was our third time out to see the house, and it is still pretty fun to go look around. We have a lot of time on our hands some days, and it is fun just to go and do something that is free, and kills a lot of time. After we left the house, we stopped at one of the strip malls in Langley city, and walked around for a while before grabbing a bite to eat and going back home for another night. It was a really relaxing day all in all, and I felt quite refreshed after it. It was nice to just spend some time with the family, and enjoy each others company.

Friday was a bit of a difficult day. The girls were getting into some trouble, and having a hard time listening. We ended up all of us upstairs in our room, cleaning and organizing in preparation for me going home again in a few days. We are trying to get some stuff up to Prince George that we don't really need while I have the chance. My Mom and I will be travelling up to Prince George on Tuesday for a few days. We will likely be travelling back down on Friday, or Saturday. It was really good to get a lot of the extra stuff that is just to much to store here back home so that the kids will really be able to get into it and play with the stuff that they have here. Once we got settled down on Friday, the rest of the day went really well. Chad and Joanne will be heading home for good tomorrow, and we had been planning a night out for the last week or so. My Mom watched the girls, feeding them dinner, and putting them to bed to give us a greatly appreciated night out. We went to Shabusen Sushi, as they both really wanted to try out the Korean bbq. Once we were finished a great all-you-can-eat dinner, we headed down to Granville Island for some theater sports at the Improv Theater. It was really quite funny, and we had a great time. I have never been to a comedy show quite like it, and the format was really good. The crowd was involved in every part of the show, and it really made it fun. We ended up staying and watching the 11:45 show, so we got home a bit late, but we really had a fun time.

Today, again, we spent the morning, just hanging out around the house, and playing with the girls. My friend Bruce came down from Vernon to see us this afternoon. It was really special to see him. We have a very tight connection with one another, and it is always really great to see him. He has an amazing ability to level both Christine and I. We gave him the grand tour of the house, and made him some lunch before him and I headed down to Stanley Park for a round of pitch and put. We used to go to the pitch and put beside out house in Burnaby when we lived together all the time, so it was quite the day. We had an incredibly good time, and I really wish that we would get more time together more often, but that is the way things go I guess. It was wonderful to see him, and the kids were really happy to see him as well. We made some tentative plans to see each other here again in November, so hopefully we will be able to get together again then.

Things are a bit melancholy around the house today. We have found out in the last two days that two of the of the long term families will be heading home for good this week. We have really become close to both of the families, and they will really be missed. We all live in this crazy little bubble where every family has a major illness with one of their children, and we are all able to talk openly about them. It is a comfortable environment, but a strange one, and it is always sad to see one of the families go. We all want to go home, and re-join our normal lives, but when someone else goes, it is kind of scary. We are all so close to medical attention when we need it, and it is always scary to go farther away than our comfort zone. We of course wish both families well, and will miss their presence in the house. Seeing someone leave is sad, but it also brings you hope that someday that will be you!

Scott

The last couple of days have really been busy, and fun for the girls. Yesterday, we had Brenns last round of Chemo for the interim-maintenance phase of her treatment, so for the last two weeks of this phase, we have to go for a blood test next week, and a remotely possible blood transfusion, then another week with nothing at all to do at the hospital before September 8th. Our doctor strongly encouraged us to go and do something really fun over the next couple of weeks, because they will be the last weeks that we will be able to go and do something before things start to get tough again. Luckily for us, he also gave Brenn the go ahead to go into a public pool for the first time this summer, so all Brenn wants to do is go to the water slides, and the PNE (which RMH just gave us tickets to today). We may head back up island for a couple of days again, not really sure how much time we will actually get, but time will tell.

Once we were done at clinic yesterday, we came back to RMH to retrieve Samantha, and then headed down to Granville Island to spend an incredibly relaxing day with my boss Ian, and Cora. They are such nice people to talk to, and spend some time with away from the work environment. Christine and I have really felt very supported by Ian since we found out that Brenn had Leukemia, and truly every time one of the kids is sick since I started working with Centre City Electric. We are very blessed to have such a great boss, who is motivating when he needs to be, and also your friend, and supporter when you need him to be, we are truly blessed. Ian and Cora took Brenn and Samantha birthday shopping yesterday (as it was Sams birthday today), and sent Christine and I off for some very treasured alone time. It is such a rare treat to spend any time alone together right now, that we immediately relaxed, and just talked about some of the many things that we never have a chance to talk about. After about a half an hour, we saw Ian holding Brenns hand, and Cora holding Samanthas hand as they crossed the street to where we were sitting, and it almost brought tears to Christines eyes. It was really nice to see the kids so comfortable with them in such a busy environment.

As I said, today was Samanthas birthday, and it was a typical 3 year old really busy day. We made french toast for Breakfast, and my Dad and Marion arrived while I was cooking for a couple hour stop over on their way home from Disneyland. Once they were on their way, some of the craft girls came and made cupcakes with all the kids for Sams birthday, while I snuck out of the house for some supplies. By the time I made it back from Costco, Christine and the girls had already eaten lunch. My Mom arrived shortly after I got home, and the rest of the day was dedicated to Samanthas birthday party. All the kids from the house participated, and I think I am going to need to rent a pretty big truck to drive home when this is all done. Samantha got a lot of stuff for her birthday, and was really happy with each and every gift. Everyone was very thoughtful in their gifts, but there are a lot of them.

Brenn had a really hard day emotionally though. She had a great time playing with Samantha, and was really excited about her birthday. Brenn bought Sam a little pet-pet guinea pig for her birthday, and really wanted one for herself as well. I went out last night, and bought one for Brenn as well, because sometimes Brenn gets upset when her sister gets a lot of things, and she doesn't. It turned out to be a really great idea, because, she really wasn't feeling great today, and having that to give her made her feel a little better for a while today. I feel quite bad for her when she is having these emotions. It is so hard for her to deal with a lot of the things that she has no control over, that it makes her really sad sometimes. It is really hard for us all, it breaks Christine and my hearts, and Brenn is always up and down, and it confuses Samantha, and makes her cry sometimes, because she just doesn't understand what is happening. We talked to one of our doctors the other day, and he is going to set up an appointment with a psychologist for us. We are really hoping that this will help Brenn. The last thing that I want when Brenn is all done this intensive phase of treatment is for her to be overly emotional because of some unresolved issue that she hasn't been able to talk to us about, or realize that it is happening. She is after all a 5 year old girl, with 5 year old emotions, and fears. Please continue to pray for Brenn, we really just want her to be as happy as she can through all of this, and if she is struggling like this, it really is heart wrenching.

Scott