Here it is, the last day before it all begins again and 4 months exactly to the day this journey started. It's weird to feel this way and really feel so out of control, most of the chemo that will be administered in the next two months are new for Brenn and some of them can have horrific side effects, these are the things that are making Scott and I scared. We really hold it together for the girls in our day to day lives but the thoughts come fast and strong once we put them to bed. I am here right now sitting with almost overwhelming worry and anxiety. Brenn had a series of tests today to check her heart and give the doctors a baseline to go from as one of the meds starting tomorrow can have a long term effect of damaging her heart muscle. Throughout this journey I have felt confident that Brenn will fly through this treatment with flying colors and come out the other side a strong, vibrant, confident little girl who will grow into a beautiful young women, I still believe this but I am afraid that this round will be the one that takes everything out of her and will challenge her spirit. She desperately wants to go home, and she has had enough of everything. She is topped out in her coping abilities and I think to myself really how much more can her mind, body and spirit take. The logical part of me keeps telling myself that kids are resilient and that they can get through things that most adults would shutter over. I have met many other children here that have gone through similar or the same round and have come out of it just fine, she is my child and I worry about these things. I read a quote by mother Theresa that comforts me and makes me laugh "God never gives you more than you can handle, but why does he have to trust me so much" I am definitely feeling this way tonight. Anyways this is where we're at going into the home stretch before our return to Prince George which is another worry in itself, but that is for another day. We are taking this one day at a time so that we as parents can be the best that we can be to provide security and stability for our children is this very confusing time. Please keep Brenn in your thoughts and prayers so that she can come out of this without any long term effects physically, emotionally and spiritually.