We are all exhausted, life at home lets us just be and so all the stress, worry, anxiety, sadness, anger, joy, laughter, happiness and love from the last 6 and a half months is not so overwhelming and now are bodies are saying" just relax don't do anything". All of the Smith's were in collective agreement that we were all very tired, but to no avail we did not nap, I wish we did but we didn't. Instead we hung out as a family just doing our thing all over the house. It was great :)

Brenn was really not into going to school this morning as she didn't want to participate in french, after a few minutes of smooth talking from her mama she got ready to go. I stood at the back of the class until prayer and devotions were over (5min), blew a kiss to Brenn and out the door I went, crying all the way to the van. I felt like I was pushing her to hard to get back into the swing of things, I felt like I was leaving her to sink or swim....it was awful. Scott, Sam and I picked Brenn up at lunch, we peeked in the room several times and Brenn was smiling and participating in class. At the bell Brenn was excited and happy, she went on to say that she wanted to go to school the next day for a whole day....yeah Brenn. Brenn's favorite subject is math and she seems to be at par with the rest of the class. Brenn feels really encouraged by her teacher who told her today that she is not far behind and that she will catch up in no time. Brenn was so touched by this that it was one of the first things she told us. My fears of pushing Brenn to far have melted away and I am so happy that she is as confident as she is, because of this she will excel at everything she does :)

A new first for us tomorrow.....Samantha will be starting preschool, we are very excited for this. Sam is so energetic, and social it will be a perfect transition for her as she was always surrounded by people and activities at the Ronald McDonald House. Samantha needs something of her own to do and to talk about, this is perfect for her.

Life is good!!!!

We're home!!!!!! How fantastic has it been to be in our own house you ask? IT HAS BEEN GREAT! We are all sleeping through the night soundly, restfully, and comfortably. The girls are lounging around when life gets to be too much with their blankets on the couches watching TV, they are running up and down the stairs and all around when ever they choose and they are not hanging off mine and Scott's limbs at every given moment, they are enjoying living carefree for no reason at all :) We arrived home on Saturday morning, it was freezing in Prince George, we left Vancouver in wet snow to arrive in PG with well just freezing cold weather with snow.....brrrrr Sam loves it as she doesn't remember the winter from last year and the rest of the Smith clan well were just cold.....okay okay enough of the complaining.

We are all just taking it easy, getting the house organised, getting rid of some stuff before unpacking what we have accumulated over the last 6 months. We are getting our bearings again learning to live in an environment that isn't as sheltered as ours has been, preparing for life to get back to normal. We had dinner with some close family friends the night we returned, and lunch with new friends the next day, this is exactly what the doctor ordered for all of us, to feel the love, support, real hugs (not just phone hugs) , and conversation to hold us up when we were scared and overwhelmed with the reality of returning to our life. Brenn then returned to School this morning, it was very emotional and overwhelming for her but she pushed through and did it, she attended one and a half hours of class room time with two different teachers and a new language. Brenn was very confused when she returned from gym and found a teacher in her new class room speaking French, she did not like this one bit and begged Scott and I to take her home, after a small break away from the class and encouragement from her parents Brenn went back in and finished the period. We felt at this time that Brenn had had enough for one day and took her home. Brenn will attend school for the rest of the week for the morning, and then the following week she will attend all day. We were encouraged to do this as it has been found that children who have been away with an illness fair better jumping right back into to school than those who are slowly reintroduced. Brenn's classmates, their parents, and teachers that we know were all very excited to see Brenn back at school, it was a very smiley morning.

By 7pm Brenn was exhausted from the day and fell into bed, I expect that we will have more of these days in the near future, but we are very confident that Brenn will do great going back to school and will not have any problems keeping up with her class. She has shown us over the last 6 month how strong she is and that she can endure and take on what ever is thrown at her. Brenn is truly amazing!

So it's been a week since we've written anything, things have been going well for the Smith clan. We were informed that Brenn's "make a wish" was granted on Friday, this is very exciting for our family. Brenn's wish is to go on a Disney Cruise to the Caribbean, and to stop at the Disney private island. We are planning the trip for the spring:) Brenn really deserves something wonderful, she has been such a strong little girl throughout the last 6 months with barley a complaint and taking all that was given to her in stride. It is awesome that the make a wish foundation is able to grant such an amazing gift to our family.

We've really have just been hanging out waiting around for Brenn's counts to come up so that we can move on to the final and longest but by far the easiest phase of her treatment. Maintenance. Maintenance is given when the patient in this case my beautiful daughter is in remission, this meaning that there are no visible cancer cells left in her blood or bone marrow. The maintenance is given to keep her in remission and kill any cancer cells that may develop in the future (future meaning the next 20 months). Brenn will receive low dose chemo by mouth daily, IV therapy and steroids monthly, and intrathecal (IT~spinal) therapy for her CNS quarterly, all but the IT can be done in Prince George.

Today we got word after a quick blood test that YES indeed Brenn's counts have come up and passed the recommended count level to begin the last phase and receive her first dose of maintenance tomorrow.....what does this mean? We get to go home.....home sweet home.....all covered in snow :)

We have really had a pretty good past few days. It was Brenns birthday on Saturday, and boy did she ever get spoiled. She missed her friends from home, and she wasn't feeling 100%, but the day went quite well, and she really enjoyed the low energy games, and gifts that she got. My Mom, Uncle, and Aunt, and a girls sorority that volunteers here came by for the party, and that was really special for Brenn. It made her feel a bit better about being here than being at home for her birthday. All in all we had a really quite weekend, for the most part Brenn was a little tired, and when we pushed the activity a little, it ended up in tears because her red blood cells were so low. On Friday of last week, we went into clinic for a quite blood test so that we would know were she was at for the weekend, to see if we were going to be able to get together with the family that we have here in the lower mainland for a birthday party on Sunday. Her counts came back so low that it was actually scary after all this time. This necessitated staying at RMH all weekend. Mom and I and Samantha got out a couple times, but beyond that we simply stayed here and played. It is tough mentally right now to be couped up with the end being so near.

Again today, we went to clinic for more blood tests to find out if we were going to be able to start maintenance tomorrow. We had braced ourselves that we would have to wait for another week, and as it turns out we will have to wait. Brenns counts have started to climb, and we are very grateful for that, and with her counts the way they are right now, I would feel really worried about putting Brenn on a plane for home. Once maintenance starts, we will still have to be very careful about Brenns health. If she gets a fever in the next 20 months of treatment, we would have to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics, and most likely stay at the hospital for a few days or a week. We are really looking forward to coming home, and look forward to seeing everyone, and right now, that still seems far away, but we will be home soon. Likely late next week we will be arriving back in Prince George, as long as her counts continue to climb as they are, we will be safe to come home then. Thank you all for all your prayers over the past 6 months, and we look forward to talking to you all in person soon.

Scott

Nothing much has been happening in our world over the last couple of days, we have stuck close to the RMH with the exception of going to the hospital for blood and going to Scott's Grandmas for a very nice visit. Brenn's counts are stable, going up a bit for her platelets, going down a bit for her hemoglobin and well her ANC it just keeps dropping. We are really hoping that it starts to come up for the weekend as it is Brenn's birthday and we would like to be able to get together at Scott's uncle Lyle's for a family party for her, unfortunately this will not happen if it does not. We are just playing the waiting game for the go ahead for the next and final phase and then it's smooth sailing home :) We will be able to receive most of the rest of Brenn's treatment in Prince George only to return to BCCH every three months for a LP, some chemo and a checkup. This is very good news to us and we are excited to get back home.

Well that last blog was kind of a downer.....lol That is a little picture of what our life can be like from week to week. On a more positive note, Brenn's counts have not fallen over the weekend, her platelets rose a small amount and her red blood cells have maintained. This is great news for us as she did not need a transfusion today and hopefully her own healthy cells will start to generate soon. We are still being extremely careful as we have to be but life has air to it now. We have had a very festive weekend doing Halloween activities that the girls have enjoyed immensely and now we are all enjoying the fruits of our labor from last night....Candy, Candy and more Candy :)